My Journey by Christine

Honestly, I didn't realize life could get this busy, to the point that the INTERNET, a college student's best friend/worst enemy, could honestly go to the back burner. Sorry to ignore you dear friend, but the poor, soul-sucking lighting of the library has been my new "love". However, a busy life is good because I can fill you in on lots of news goodies so we can start getting intimate. Once classes are over, I swear, this will be a good place to be.

Okay, so the best news is, I got an internship I really wanted for this summer at a firm, which I somehow managed amidst the craziness of this semester - and it's in New York City.

THE City. As if this isn't enough, it's working directly under someone I admire and respect to no end. Going on the interview was pretty nerve-wracking, but I somehow made it through (I think really important people can smell the mixture of excitement/fear from the young from a mile away). It will involve me walking a mile and half in the HEAT of the summer across the city and I'm just totally stoked.

Pitfalls of this situation are, I'll be beginning something new, which means that inevitable period of "I don't really know what I'm doing...". Which means a sense of humor will be critical.

OH my gosh! The Senior Ball! I didn't tell you dear blog (and thank you for the comments by the way!), but it went smashingly. SMASHING. To put it mildly, it's made up for every moment of just...wanting a formal event I could dress up for and feel GOOD about myself in every sense of the word. I got my hair done with my friend with this hairdresser located in the middle of nowhere - and she had QUITE the personality so we were doing girl-talk the entire time. I got ready together with my group of friends, the dance lasted until 1 am, and then we recouped the next day in our PJs and watching movies. Very good weekend.

And let me tell you, I CAN DANCE. I have not danced since dropping all the weight - and learning the physics of movement/balance is pretty fun to music - and I didn't get tired! Even in heels. (Fun fact: Techno music with its crazy beats is quite challenging to dance to in a flattering manner. I kept snickering about how if you turned off the blaring music in the room, and just saw a bunch of people "dancing" the way we were, it would look like some alien tribal society. )

Ok. Back to work. I've seen daylight I think 5 times in the past month. And I hear the weather is beautiful. I feel like it'll start snowing again any day now, just for the universe to mock my hard working-ness - and the fact Massachusetts weather is ridiculously unpredictable!

I needed 24 hours to even process what I'm about to post- it's pretty exciting (in the "I can and can't believe it, finally...." way).

I went to prom in highschool, twice - Junior and Senior year. Both years I needed my dress to be specially handmade, waiting 4-6 weeks, in sizes 28 and 30. I wore black and burgundy, and was very happy and excited to go to prom with a very good friend both years. However, I was always kind of...wistful about the fact I never got to "try on" dresses, I just had to pray that what came in the mail was good enough, because of my size.

Last week I was invited to Senior Ball at my college - basically a seniors-only "before graduation hurrah" party, where seniors invite an underclassmen as their date so all can gather and be merry. So when I was asked, I was immediately elated, and then...slightly panicked. Where the heck do I get a dress? Walk in a store and buy one? Me? My mother and I immediately got online to see where we could get dresses - we only have like 2 weeks until April 25th, the night of the dance. Neither of us honestly even thought "gee, I could maybe walk in a store and buy one this time."

Yesterday we went. And in one day, I got a TWO dresses (size 14!!!), a pair of shoes (NORMAL WIDTH!), a handbag, a cute cropped dress coat (SIZE LARGE!), and some great jewelry. It was probably the best day I've had in a dressing room with dresses since I don't even know when. The best was my Mom and I picking out the same dress in both sizes 16 and 14...she left the room, I grabbed the first one, and she came back, noted how perfectly it fit, and went to take the 14 backs to the rack....EXCEPT I WAS WEARING THE 14 and the 16 was still hanging.

Be warned - bare shoulders and lower calves are exposed! ;) Woo hoo!

PROM about 3 years ago:

Now, for photos.

First dress is the semi-formal fun dress - it's got a nice neckline and some beading.



The second is the va-va voom "little black dress" that I've never ever owned before - and every gal needs one, right? Right.

For what it's worth, I'm assuredly freaking out my parents with the weight loss comparisons AND the fact that I look so much more mature. I've been growing up, as my newly-revealed bone structure has demonstrated - and am turning 21 in a month. :)

Can't wait to make my dressy debut at the ball...

I like to pretend I’m a reasonably clean, classy young lady; my room smells like flowers, sunshine, and scented body sprays. But it’s hard to ignore a funky smell in your fridge when it starts interfering with the smell of your small dorm room (oh, and you sleep about 4 feet away from it).

I’ve noticed every time I open and close my fridge’s door nowadays I get this awkward whiff of vegetables smells. It became the definite scent of “peppers” on last Thursday, 9pm. Now it’s “the peppers are dying”, and if I don’t save them (or me) now, tomorrow it will be “the peppers are in the dark stage of afterlife where no one can save you from the stench now nesting in the plastic fridge liner”.

This all stems from the fact I got super excited last Sunday that I can do thorough grocery shopping now instead of mini-trips to the deli for my meal food; I’m keeping my car at school (giving me the sweet smell of freedom while in rural Massachusetts)…and the Whole Foods 20 minutes away is now a delightful, wholesome pleasure for fresh vegetables to cook with/eat raw.

I bought a lot of pre-cut up vegetables, a bunch of hummus, and I thought I was golden. Until, smelly situations like this happen, because I’ve been eating at the dining halls more often this week and their salad areas. The raw sliced peppers, along with broccoli and some salad mix, have populated the bottom drawer of my tiny fridge for over a week, and I keep forgetting to eat them.

I kind of don’t want to look at what's in there...

(5 minutes later, after cleaning up soggy strips of pepper tainted with the sickeningly ripe smell of defeat)

Liquid peppers have horror-movie potential. That is all.

Now off to class, then to help a friend set up for her dorm's party tonight ( a lowly, busy-work task), just to let this place air out for the day. Maybe Whole Foods and I should break-up and start seeing other people, until I can be more considerate...and eat my darn expensive vegetables.

Labels: food, horror

I've had a crazy busy day - and I ended up being locked out of both the Sculpture studio and the computer lab for the night. Figures. I'm exhausted, I finally just headed to the dining hall to grab dinner - and now I sit in my room, thinking about my food. It's funny how seeing a bunch of people in a dining hall, 20-somethings and all, just initially makes my skin slightly crawl, flashing back to the grade school cafeteria.

I guess sometimes I forget my own short story - honestly, I now love living in the present, and don't often go back too much in thoughts. But, I can't help the few, and what felt to be VERY long years that took me to get here. I mean, I'm someone who's lived with and through childhood obesity, and I recently entered adulthood (as if age in numbers means anything), so remembering the last, and only, 20 years of my life isn't too hard to do.

I don't have stories about being discriminated for jobs because of my weight, despite having qualified - but I know I never applied for summer jobs at fast food joints or waitressing like the other girls in my highschool. I just couldn't do it; physically or emotionally, humiliate myself like that with not being able to keep up with a busy job- because of my size. And as much as I'm ridiculously mature and I feel even wiser than most of my peers...the experience I have with my weight comes from growing up with it - and being made fun of by verrry ignorant people: a.k.a. kids.

So back to my dinner-inspired memory. You know, there's only one real cafeteria situation I remember being horrific when I was growing up. I had just gotten off the lunch line, and I was 12 - my best friend was a tiny (I think I considered everyone tiny - it just always seems the first word to come to mind when I think of myself in comparison to others) quiet girl who was pretty much loyal to the end, I guess. But what we both didn't know was, right before I sat down at our lunch table, someone slipped a mustard packet onto the seat of my chair.

I sat down, no idea what had happened. Ate my lunch. Got up to leave the cafeteria - and somehow I knew there was a ring of kids surrounding me whispering, then laughing, and I was alone in the center of it, best friend nowhere to be found. My too-tight pants with a big yellow mustard stain. I swear to this day that was one of the defining moments in my life - when I realized how demeaned I could be by stupid kids, but also, how much better than them I could be - and to this day, I remember that moment of complete helplessness and sadness, and it keeps me in touch with reality, and my past.

That's all we are every day, a person resulting of the experiences of the day before, and the day before that...I'm that chubby girl who got mustard on her pants and today I can run across the street in a hurry and help a woman, slipping with her cane, navigate through icy paths while other people bustle by. Sure, I've been made fun of for my weight, and bitterness could be an option - but it's made me a more widely considerate person, I think. And kids are silly and do things they don't even understand.

So in a way, strangely enough...I'm sort of grateful for certain things I have learned, growing up morbidly obese. It's made me so aware and compassionate towards other beings on the planet - and though it was through my own struggles with weight, it's kind of cool to know I can head through the rest of my life understanding and feeling empathy.

I also can't help the fact that the girls who put the mustard packet on my seat are still waitressing in my old hometown. But that's perfectly fine; I will be compassionate and tip them well, as I do any server, next time I see them, and they won't even recognize me.

This is my first non-morbidly obese winter, I just realized. Wow.

When I was a kid, sledding was amazing. My old house when I was growing up had this great hill on the side of it, perfect angle for sledding. And then we'd go inside, get a great big cup of hot cocoa stirred up, and I would hang up my 2-3 pairs of pants I'd worn outside, to dry. It was always hard to find snowpants (the childrens department and I went our separate ways at, let's see...6 years old) that fit when I was growing up, so I often just wore layers upon layers of pants, which would get soaked with wet snow from hours of play. I never felt the cold though - I had a nice, warm comfy layer of insulation under my skin at all times. Ah, fat.

I've decided to venture out into the snow today to mail a mail-in-rebate (they never expect you to send it in, but I'm willing to brave the elements for that lovely check) and I'm at a loss of how to layer. I've now got piles of sweaters, knits, scarves, socks, throw blankets and hoodies littering my dorm room. I need and use them often. But I never used to wear - or own- this layering stuff. I never had to layer or think "oh, I'm cold now, I hope I have enough to keep me that way!". I actually think I walked into school sometimes without a jacket at all during the dead of winter, no problem (but I left the house with one, love you Mom!). I really never felt the cold; in fact, I was always warm. Always overheated somehow, red in the cheeks, and everything was an exertion.

I can't believe the extremes from last year to this year even - my old puffy winter coat that I had, size 30/32, I shrunk out of very fast, and I now wear a smooth ski jacket in Large (oh, it fits so nice). Plus, I always thought sweaters made me look to bulky or bigger than I was. Now I know they don't - and clothing is now functional beyond covering me. It keeps my body warm. Absolutely amazing. I'm totally having some sugar-free hot cocoa when I get back to my room.

It's snowing outside - and it's completely silent outside as the flakes hit the ground. I don't have any Friday classes, which I'm grateful for, but instead of sleeping in, I've taken to getting up a little earlier on my days off. This way I can enjoy exercise as sort of a therapy - I make it my own morning routine of listening to whatever music I want, and daydreaming (and not studying gene mutations for my lecture). I love to go to the gym, shower, and sit and read with some peppermint tea afterwards. Today, I'll get to do it with the snow falling as a backdrop.

Then I have to run to the art building and work on my sculpture (it's crunch time, and due Wednesday, I think). It's an abstract, metal sculpture of a toilet's water, caught in the vortex of flushing (with silver wire twisted into the "streams" of water). I'm sure this entry seemed like a normal person's life until I said that, right? Oh well, now I've got your mind thinking of what I could possibly be doing. I will show you when complete.

I've gotten handy with the welding torch - yesterday, I was crouched under the table, on my knees, building the base speedily, and jumping up and down as soon as the metal cooled. I would NOT have been capable of this contortioning last year, and it's good that I am, if just for safety reasons.

I think I'm meeting up with an old friend for dinner - we haven't talked for awhile, and it'll be good to catch up. I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to wait around for people to call me and make plans, so I've been more proactive in that respect - you've just got to do what you want to do, see who you want to see, and be the one to make it happen. The secret to happiness!

Just finished tying my shoes. The gym awaits. Hope your morning is as healthfully selfish and wonderful as mine. :)